Telling lies is a sign of future success in children

Our children lie through their teeth and surely make us very proud
It is the sign of future success as the message is now clear and loud
They have still not mastered the arts of chicanery and skull-duggery
We hope they will , by and by, acquire over these skills their mastery.

There is no need to worry if a child is lying, claim experts, as it proves the kid has reached an important step in his or her mental development. What’s more, it’s a sign of future success.

After studying 1,200 children, researchers from the Institute of Child Study at Toronto University, who carried out the study, reached the conclusion that kids can be confirmed to have developed “executive functioning”, when they are able to keep the truth at the back of their mind so their fib sounds more convincing.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life/relationships/parenting/Telling-fibs-a-sign-of-future-success-in-children/articleshow/5936865.cms

 

Lincoln police successfully nab the toilet paper bandit

The cops have nabbed the toilet paper bandit successfully,
An achievement unparalleled in the annals of police history.
The dastardly bandit has committed various acts of felony
Hiding his guilty face under the rolls of toilet paper of soft ply .
Whether the paper is Charmin ultra-strong or Angel Soft-2 ply
Is still not clear and is now a subject matter of detailed inquiry.

Joshua Nelson, 29, of 121 E St. was arrested Saturday evening for robbery and use of a weapon to commit a felony.On April 24, Nelson allegedly entered Kabredlo’s at 1445 S. 17th St. armed with a knife and demanded money.The robber had toilet paper wrapped around his head to conceal his identity.

http://journalstar.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_86ae6a6e-5bc9-11df-85d7-001cc4c03286.html

 

She does all her firing in the morning when she is fresh

We love this superboss lady who has certainly a way with yahoo
She does her firing job so well and makes us want to shout yahoo!
She does all her firing in the morning like any other morning do
Sweetly will she call Joe and tell him he is fired now and now
And Joe and all the rest of the gang love it and shout” wow!”

I always do my firing in the morning because that’s when I’m fresh. I mean, why sit there all day thinking: I’m going to fire Joe at 4:59?

The joke was never have breakfast with Carol, because it’s not a real safe thing to do. Anybody who knows me knows I don’t do breakfast. If I’m going to get up early in the morning to meet with somebody, there’s a reason

http://www.esquire.com/women/women-issue/carol-bartz-bio-0510?src=rss

 

For our military strategy we have a beautiful power point presentation

Due to our innovative “spaghetti” slide we have superiority
Over the dastardly enemy who decidedly cannot hide
Our strategy is well mapped out in our brilliant slide.
With such a powerful slide we will soon achieve our victory
Just give us a little time to understand the damned slide.

Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal, the leader of American and NATO forces in Afghanistan, was shown a PowerPoint slide in Kabul last summer that was meant to portray the complexity of American military strategy, but looked more like a bowl of spaghetti.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/27/world/27powerpoint.html

 

Seismologists are an ignorant lot

The poor scientists don’t know much about earthquakes
We know a woman’s revealing dress is all that it takes
To bring about such seismic activities in lands and lakes
And it is by now clear that if, too hard, you rock your bed
You will rock the earth and the sky and will end up dead.

TEHRAN: A senior Iranian cleric has claimed that dolled-up women incite extramarital sex, causing more earthquakes in Iran, a country that straddles several fault lines, newspapers reported on Saturday.

“Many women who dress inappropriately … cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes,” Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi told worshippers at Tehran Friday prayer.

“Calamities are the result of people’s deeds” he says.

 

Haggis could be a colorful character from Porter Harris

We have discovered haggis is not breakfast noodles from Maggies
It is probably a hilltop roaming animal, you may check with non-veggies
Perhaps it is that funny Scottish wind pipe highland music in baggies
Played by those with puffed cheeks and knee-length checked leggies
But wait, it may be a colorful character from Porter Harris, this haggis.

LONDON (Reuters) – One in five people in Britain thinks that haggis, the traditional Scottish dish made from the lung, liver and heart of a sheep, is an animal that roams the Highlands, according to a survey on Friday.
Commissioned by the online takeaway food service Just-Eat.co.uk, the survey found that 18 percent of Britons believe that haggis is a hilltop-dwelling animal.
Another 15 percent said it is a Scottish musical instrument while 4 percent admitted to thinking it was a character from Harry Potter

 

He is not only a great statesman but a fashion icon as well

He is indeed an outstanding statesman and a fashion icon
His zippered jacket is making waves, not in Korea alone
We need more such fine statesmen in a world strife-torn
Rarely will you see again such an outstanding leader born.

“Today’s Rodong Shinmun, the communist party-controlled daily newspaper quotes an un-named French fashionista who has witnessed a wave of ‘Kim Jong-Il style’ all over the world. “The ‘Kim Jong-Il style fad’ that is rapidly spreading out to the world today is a very special fad that is unprecedented in human history.”

http://blogs.abcnews.com/theworldnewser/2010/04/kim-jong-il-global-fashion-icon.html

 

This is what happens if you do not read the fine print

We have just sold our souls to this fine online company.
We now feel much lighter and float in the ethereal space;
Our roads are now paved with gold and we look downward
So that we avert our sight on the horrid horns we sport
But this is what happens if you do not read the fine print.

Do you carefully read the terms of use page when completing an online purchase? Maybe you should. The online computer game retailer GameStation revealed that hidden in its terms of use statement is this clause:

By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions

It was just an April Fool’s Day gag, but some 7,500 customers’ souls are now the property of this company.

 

He is a police department official with extraordinary interest in matters religious

Please note Findler Tom is not a peepling Tom
He just findles all the thrills flesh is heir to
On the holy computers of church episcopal.

“HAMILTON, N.J. (AP) – A civilian State Police employee was accused of sneaking into a church to look at pornography on a nun’s computer. Police arrested Thomas G. Findler Wednesday and charged him with burglary and theft.

Authorities said Findler had been sneaking into Grace St. Paul Episcopal Church in the night over the last three weeks to look at pornography.”

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8UHAES00&show_article=1&catnum=9

 

Heavy metal for the heavy-handed

We have not run out of our weapons to fight the Taliban
We can still use our most lethal weapon in Afghanistan
Our world famous heavy metal music is so much sound and power
When in full blast will make any deadly Taliban man run for cover..

“MARJAH, Afghanistan (AFP) – US special forces have a novel weapon in the fight to expel Taliban from a desolate and war-weary farming community in southern Afghanistan — heavy metal music.
When insurgents open fire in Marjah, an armoured vehicle wired up to powerful speakers blasts out country, heavy metal and rock music so loudly it can be heard up to two kilometres (one mile) away.
The playlist has been hand-selected to annoy the Taliban “