Thank God ,our little Einstein has got her place in the kindergarten

Her percentile is high and she knows all about the cube and rhombus
She should better get ready in uniform and tie to board the school bus
Her cram sessions are thorough and she knows even sphere and trapezoid
She now sits confidently with her i-pod and smart phones on android
And feels on top of the world with an assured place in the kindergarten
With so much cram ,she will have no admissions problems to dishearten.

She didn’t swig Red Bull from a sippy cup to pull all-nighters, but Taylor Dior started cramming at age 3 for what some New Yorkers think is the most important test of her life — getting into kindergarten.

Her mom, Chavon Peele, paid up to $79 a month to a private service for access to 1,000 sample questions that she says gave Taylor the skills needed to ace the city’s Gifted and Talented test.

They worked together 45 minutes most nights so that tiny Taylor, soon after turning 4, could discern patterns, do analogies, understand concepts such as “greater than,” and recognize a rhombus, among other tough tasks.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/preschool_tots_cram_sessions_PFXTm5lmESTcg9Cwi55EYK

 

Famous last lines

The New York Times is our most highly respected newspaper
With eye-ball grabbing headlines, its content highly dapper.

But it is their bottom-lines that have to be watched in the last.
Look for bottom lines like those that speak of a cabbies forecast
Borne out by geopolitical developments, leaving you completely aghast.

Then there are people dead, survived by son by first marriage
And second wife Mary, surely an interesting situation at any age.

A celebrity plans to quit career to do own things he loved, really
Like things such as raising family, going to school, however silly.

Of course we love their headlines shining on the outside wrapper
But it is the last lines that take the cake making the paper dapper.

The poor bridegroom is the son of Barbara and Stan Miller of Avon
It is not his fault his dad is the founder of a hedge fund in Darien.

The bride, who until recently ,had a job as a pilates instructor
The marriage has primarily acted for her as a career destructor.

The paper is known for its celebration of the English tongue
Its grammar and usage have won kudos in every parlor and lounge
NYU isn’t likely to please Greenwich Village residents anytime soon.
It cannot help if this novel usage makes our grammar teacher swoon.

Here is a list of popular endings to New York Times pieces. It’s totally free.

http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/03/behind-the-paywall-how-new-york-times-articles-end.html

 

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in your play

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in play
You see, such noises distract the other players all day
Less distracting sounds like passing the wind seem okay.

Maria Sharapova has been criticized over her extremely loud grunting during play, but you can bet they won’t try this with a champion like her. A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the grunting noises she makes during play.
Lauryn Edwards was told last weekend that she could no longer play after an opposing player complained about her grunting”

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/02/9-year-old-sharapova-wanna-be-banned.html

 

He felt sad and forlorn,watching all alone the porn

He felt sad and forlorn,watching alone all the porn.
He actually liked all of you to feel equally love-lorn
And screened it for all ye, high-born and low-born!

“A TECHNICIAN at a French Polynesian television station has been suspended from work after accidentally screening a porn movie he thought he was watching alone”

 

These scholarly pursuits will stimulate the intellectual in you

It is true poo is serious stuff not merely belonging to the loo
Poo smells a lot but tells a lot too, useful like the didgeridoo
View it like a regular for a scatological analysis in your loo
These scholarly pursuits will stimulate the intellectual in you.

Get grossed out, laugh or act like you’re too refined to discuss this. Go ahead. The truth is, poop is serious stuff. If you’re willing to peek into the toilet bowl once in a while, local doctors say you can learn loads about your health and detect problems ranging from poor diet to colon cancer. “It’s one of a few things you can do without a doctor’s help. You can’t do blood work on yourself … but you can look in the toilet,” said Dr. Anish Sheth, a gastroenterologist and co-author of the book, “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” and the soon-to-be-released sequel, “Poo Log”.

 

All the world is a stage and all men and women merely players

Without booze and fag we cannot think of a bar
If we cannot have our bar without nicotine and tar
we shall deem our bar as Shakespearean theater.
All the world is a stage and men players says the bard.

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot full of smoke and fury
Our lungs are black like Macbeth’s dark deeds

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.

“Bars in Minnesota are declaring themselves theatres to get around a public smoking ban.
The state ban allows actors to light up in character during theatrical productions.
So the bars are declaring themselves theatres and their customers performers, reports the Daily Telegraph.“

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2761092.html?

 

They believe that Mountain Dew prevents pregnancy

All through the night we make passionate love
under the stars,me and you.
Our torrid love affair goes on ,
duly protected by the mountain dew.
In the friendly company of the mountain goat
and the sheep and the ewe.

ORLANDO, Fla. — A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.”

 

One need not have a large brain in that line

This man is a civil servant found to be with a pin-sized brain
Luckily one does not need to be well -endowed in that line.

“A man with an unusually tiny brain managed to live an entirely normal life as a civil servant.
Scans of the 44-year-old man’s brain showed a huge fluid-filled chamber took up most of his skull.
French researchers say it left room for little more than a thin sheet of actual brain tissue.

 

Grass cutting in bikinis improves quality by at least 40%

The bikini-clad ladies make a fine job of mowing grass
The mowing improves by 40% when done in bikinis
A recent study finds that grass cut in dress lacks body.
Cutting in bikinis spells significant upgrade in quality.

“The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers’ lawns dressed in bikinis — a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.Beckman said the extra attention was expected, but she looks on the bright side.

“You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need,” she said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service would make mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher.

 

Kicks from their behinds are a mere side-issue

The donkeys will happily wear their nappies or tissue
How you will persuade them to wear them is the central issue
Painful kicks from their hind-legs are just a side-issue.

“Donkey owners in a Kenyan town are up in arms after officials ordered their animals to wear nappies.

The local council in Limuru said the measure was needed to keep the town’s streets clean, reports the BBC.

But adverse press coverage and outrage from the town’s residents has led the authority to put its plans on hold.
And water trader Simon Kamau, who uses donkeys to transport water to his clients, added: “The problem is that the donkey can give you a fatal kick. I was once kicked by a donkey and it broke my leg.